Whenever I used to hear ''live in the present'', ''live like there's no tomorrow'', ''seize the day'', I didn't really understand it.  Either the past entirely clouds my vision, or I'm looking right through binoculars far out into the future.    I don't know about you, but when I go to the cinema to watch a film that I was excited for for weeks, as soon as I'm inside the movie theater, I'm more thrilled to see the trailer of upcoming films, more than the film itself.

Guilty, I never really appreciated the present. I just didn't know how. I was devoid of feeling the happiness and excitement in the present moment , after reaching a destination I have always wanted to visit.  Or whenever I achieve something  that I extremely worked hard for.  I was always busy looking ahead, for the next big thing.  I failed to enjoy the small moments.  I was incapable of it.

This year, I wanted to change it.  As I was driving along my usual morning route.  I asked myself these questions:

  • Am I happy right now? 
It took me a while to answer this and had to think hard and deeply.  A voice inside me answered, "Yes."
  • If today is all I have and I am to die tomorrow,  am I happy? Am I ready?
The past successes, my family, my loved ones,  all the victories over challenges that I have been through, flashed before me. Looking back at my life, where I am now despite unfulfilled desires, frustrations and challenges, I sincerely answered, "Yes, I am."  I was in fact ready to accept that if this was all my life was about, if this is it, I am ready, whatever happens.  I am indeed happy for the decisions I made. No regrets.

With that, I started to become aware of the things I didn't notice before. How blue the sky was.  How beautiful the wind was on my skin.  How thankful I am for my job.  How nice the coffee was.  How thankful I am for feeling good that morning.  How grateful I am for my colleagues, my boss, my friends, the house where I live in, for being able to drive to work.  Everything changed.  Now I understand what it means to be in the present. To put a stop to everything and breathe in the small moments and be grateful for them. This is my initial breakthrough for 2012.  To live each day as if there's no tomorrow.