Whenever I used to hear ''live in the present'', ''live like there's no tomorrow'', ''seize the day'', I didn't really understand it. Either the past entirely clouds my vision, or I'm looking right through binoculars far out into the future. I don't know about you, but when I go to the cinema to watch a film that I was excited for for weeks, as soon as I'm inside the movie theater, I'm more thrilled to see the trailer of upcoming films, more than the film itself.
Guilty, I never really appreciated the present. I just didn't know how. I was devoid of feeling the happiness and excitement in the present moment , after reaching a destination I have always wanted to visit. Or whenever I achieve something that I extremely worked hard for. I was always busy looking ahead, for the next big thing. I failed to enjoy the small moments. I was incapable of it.
This year, I wanted to change it. As I was driving along my usual morning route. I asked myself these questions:
It took me a while to answer this and had to think hard and deeply. A voice inside me answered, "Yes."
- If today is all I have and I am to die tomorrow, am I happy? Am I ready?
The past successes, my family, my loved ones, all the victories over challenges that I have been through, flashed before me. Looking back at my life, where I am now despite unfulfilled desires, frustrations and challenges, I sincerely answered, "Yes, I am." I was in fact ready to accept that if this was all my life was about, if this is it, I am ready, whatever happens. I am indeed happy for the decisions I made. No regrets.
With that, I started to become aware of the things I didn't notice before. How blue the sky was. How beautiful the wind was on my skin. How thankful I am for my job. How nice the coffee was. How thankful I am for feeling good that morning. How grateful I am for my colleagues, my boss, my friends, the house where I live in, for being able to drive to work. Everything changed. Now I understand what it means to be in the present. To put a stop to everything and breathe in the small moments and be grateful for them. This is my initial breakthrough for 2012. To live each day as if there's no tomorrow.